Why I STOPPED Trying to “Do It All” During the Holidays

Busy Elves

Does “having it all” necessarily mean “doing it all?”

In today’s fast-paced, chaotic world, we’ve developed a strong tendency to “go for the gold” in everything that we do — and we’re under constant pressure to do so:

It’s not enough to have a “happy” holiday…it has to be an AWESOME holiday!

It’s not enough to join our family and friends for a holiday meal, it has be the equivalent of a MICHELIN STAR feast!

While excellence is a worthwhile goal, I’ve come to believe that we can’t necessarily be “the best” at everything that we do — and that can be a good thing to help us really enjoy what we are doing.

So why do we apologize for our perceived lack of “perfection” — thereby forgetting to relish those things that we actually enjoy?

There are only 24 hours in a day – and we have to sleep at least some of those hours. But few of us get the recommended 7-8 hours of sleep per night, so our energy falters even though we insist on continuing to do “everything.”

The result is higher stress and an even more insurmountable “to do” list.

So why do we insist — either consciously OR subconsciously — that it is imperative that we “do it all?” Even more important: why do we apologize when we CAN’T “do it all?”

Priorities, Importance, and the Unimportant 

The answer is to prioritize what’s important to us — because when everything is important, then nothing is really important.

The simple truth (albeit a hard one for many of us to accept) is that we can’t “do it all.” But we can do the important things — the things that represent our priorities — well. “Doing it all” inherently draws us off course as we attempt to also do the unimportant things in our lives.

“Unimportant,” however, doesn’t mean “unnecessary.” Unimportant tasks are those activities that might need to be done – but don’t necessarily have to be done…by us.

Therein lies the challenge: when we admit that a task that we have traditionally accomplished can be done by someone else, it often causes our ego to question our “value.”

One of the most valuable lessons that I have learned is to accept the fact that I am a human being. This is NOT a human “doing” nor is it a “superhero” who doesn’t need sleep, rest, and relaxation. It also means accepting the fact that I can’t do everything “perfectly.”

But, like many of us, admitting that I can’t do it all was and (to a certain extent) continues to be a challenge. At no time is this more evident than during the holidays.

When we believe that everything is important, we lose our ability to prioritize things into what’s really  important, what’s not important, and what’s “nice” but neither necessary nor enjoyable.

Trying to do it all leads to feelings of being overwhelmed. Failing in our attempts to do it all leads to frustration and a diminished sense of self-worth. When we exhaust ourselves trying to meet impossible self-imposed deadlines, we burn out.

Yet we continue in our misguided efforts to go beyond our very human limitations.

How to STOP Doing It All (and Not Enjoying It) 

There is a twopart cure for trying to “do it all”:

  1. First, we must prioritize what’s important to us…
  2. Then we must have the courage to focus our efforts on only those activities that are important to us

This means being able to say “no.” It also means being sufficiently confident of our own unique value so that we can feel comfortable delegating tasks to other people based on what’s important to them. 

If you love to bake, then by all means bake your family’s traditional holiday cookies!

Hate to decorate the tree? Then enlist your children, nephews, and nieces to “go wild” with their imaginations in the decorations.

Continuing to spend days preparing the Feast of the Seven Fishes for your Italian family? Then scale back and prepare only those dishes that your family really looks forward to. (NOTE: I did this in my family — surprisingly, the missing baccala was not even noticed!)

But the most important step to STOP trying to do it all is to stop apologizing when we can’t “do it all.”

It’s time to accept the fact that not only we personally but also everyone else CAN’T “do it all.” This insight drastically changes our perspectives of what is important, what is feasible, and what is just additional “stuff” that has little if any true importance.

FREE De-Stressing the Holidays eCourse:
How to Move From Bah Hum Bug to HoHoHo!  

Available NOW — enroll in my free 3-lesson eCourse to learn 50 ways to de-stress the holidays at home and at work!  Click here for more information.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  To learn more, please visit her blog for individuals at www.a-new-way-to-work.com or her corporate blog at www.changewithoutburnout.com.  For more tips and ideas, please subscribe to her weekly “Success @ Work” eNewsletter at https://drgeripuleo.lpages.co/success-work-opt-in-page

How to Avoid Holiday Stress

This is my wish for you - DM Dellinger

Remember how much fun the holidays used to be when you were a kid?  No responsibilities, no demands…just the focus on having fun.

However, we all have too many responsibilities.  Everything has become “urgent.”  We’re so busy “doing” that we have lost sight of “being” and “living.”

But focusing on the urgent can take us away from what is IMPORTANT:  peace, gratitude, happiness, health, energy, and (of course) fun!  Being with the people we love and actually having fun with them is often forgotten as we scurry frantically to do what we think is urgent in order to make the holiday a “success.”

One reason for this problem is that we focus on the “urgent” — even though it takes us away from what is really important.  But there is a way to overcome this:  learn to live our lives by focusing on our own unique priorities.  

I’ve posted a 12-minute video on my YouTube Channel to help you identify your priorities and decrease the likelihood of stress from chronic procrastination.

Not only can living by priorities increase our joy, but it will profoundly reduce our stress.  Isn’t it time to re-ignite the childlike joy in the holidays?

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

Why Burnout Is NOT Inevitable

Burnout Bundle - Logo

Burnout has become rampant in the modern workplace. As the demands on our time, creativity, and problem-solving capabilities increase, this creates a stressor-rich environment that can contribute to burnout.

Even though our professional and personal lives have become increasingly hectic, time-consuming, and stressful, we DON’T have to become victims of this stress by succumbing to burnout.

IMPORTANT: Burning out does NOT mean that you have a maladaptive response to stress! In fact, I’ve found that it is the combination of three factors that create a fertile environment for the onset of burnout. This Burnout Triumvirate is comprised of personality traits, the organizational work environment, and physical symptoms.

Personality Traits. No two people are identical in their response to an external stressor. Therefore, understanding what causes YOU to experience negative stress is the first step in avoiding potential burnout-producing situations.

  • Are you a perfectionist with high standards that exceed what is necessary to get the job done?
  • Are you a people-pleaser who can’t seem to say “no” to the demands and requests of others?

Organizational Environment. Just as no two people are the same, no two work environments will create the same set of stressors that can lead to burnout.

  • How is your relationship with your immediate supervisor or boss? Is it autocratic, laissez-faire, or collegial?
  • What are the unspoken requirements for success in your workplace? Are long hours demanded? Is it necessary to curry political favors in order to get ahead?

Physical Symptoms. Finally, prolonged experiences of negative stress are manifested in a wide variety of physical malaise — both chronic and acute — that contribute to and maintain burnout.

  • Do you have a cold that you just can’t seem to get rid of? Gastrointestinal problems? A general feeling of being unwell?
  • Are you having difficulty getting a good night’s sleep — either failing to fall asleep or continuously waking up during the night?

By understanding your unique burnout triggers, you can not only overcome a current burnout but also take proactive steps to avoid burning out in the future.

Because my mission is to eradicate workplace burnout, I’ve expanded upon my research-based findings in an on-demand eCourse to help stressed out workers achieve greater productivity, work-life balance, and job satisfaction through recognizing, overcoming, and avoiding burnout.  P.S.: You can save $15 by using the coupon code BURNOUT15.

How to Avoid Burnout

Denial is one of the most difficult challenges associated with burnout. This is why it is so important to identify the types of situations or relationships that tend to be most stressful to you AND become crystal clear as to the personality traits that make you more susceptible to burnout.

While it’s always best to prevent burnout from occurring, you also need to have a clear action plan that will enable you to identify your personal warning signs that “routine” stress is moving toward burnout. In addition to sleep problems, you might notice that it is taking you longer to complete projects or that you’ve become cranky with your coworkers and family. You might even notice that you’ve lost your sense of humor!

It’s also important to bring subconscious self-talk to the forefront. In other words, what are you saying to yourself that can increase the likelihood of burnout AND keep you burned out? (HINT: One of the most common self-talk loops that sustains burnout focuses on the belief that “It should have been different.”)

It’s always best to take remedial action before you are in a full-blown burnout — but watch out for burnout’s false cures! These are the tactics used to assuage your stress (such as alcohol consumption or even spending more time at work), but that ultimately end up increasing your stress levels.

When you are on the road to burnout recovery, there is still one additional but powerful obstacle that can undermine your progress: residual burnout. Similar to a boomerang effect, residual burnout can be triggered by any situation that is reminiscent of what contributed to your burnout. While you might not succumb to a full-blown burnout, residual burnout can increase the levels of frustration, anger, and apathy that precipitate burnout.

The good news is that there ARE proven techniques to help you decrease stress and overcome burnout! These include common techniques (such as exercise, therapy, and a support network) to some not-so-common strategies that include embracing the changes that precipitated burnout and shifting your attention (and energy!) to something more positive.

I hope that this article provided you with some ideas to overcome burnout. I’d love to have you join us in my companion eCourse — How to Manage Stress and Avoid Burnout.

This 10-lesson eCourse dives into the personality traits, organizational environment, and physical problems that contribute to and maintain burnout. It is mobile-friendly and includes videos, articles, audiopodcasts, workbooks, quick quizzes, and a private community discussion forum to help you manage stress and avoid burnout. Don’t forget to use the special code BURNOUT15 to save $15 when you register!

eCourse registration is on a rolling basis, so you can begin the training whenever it best fits with your calendar. To learn more, please click here or go to https://app.ruzuku.com/courses/28192/about.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model. An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube. To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com.  

Nothing can stop you from letting go…and starting over

Nothing can stop you from letting go and starting over - Guy Finley

Letting go is hard.  We hold on to so many things that no longer serve us.  We stay in jobs that demoralize us.  We stay in relationships in which we no longer have anything in common.  We stay stuck on a strategy that isn’t producing the results that we desire.

Yet we continue to hang on — even more tightly than before.

The question is:  why?

  • It is emotionally challenging to let go of something that we’ve put a lot of time, sweat, and tears into.
  • Letting go of something that is no longer working makes us question our abilities, problem-solving, and decision-making:  how did something so desirable turn out so wrong?
  • We see the act of starting over as beginning anew…without anything to support us as we move forward toward an unknown future.
  • Perhaps most significantly, we refuse to let go because we’re afraid to change.

The only reason why we do not move forward is because we prevent ourselves from moving forward.  Nothing in the universe is stopping us.  Nothing.

Far too often, we stand in our own way.  We ignore the warning signs of future challenges — or we bury ourselves in the past hurts that continue to victimize us.

We also worry about what other people will think of our decision to let go and start over.  We exaggerate their influence in our lives.  We even cater to the whims and wants of people who really don’t have our best interests at heart.

In the end, we sacrifice our own purpose and the creation of the legacy of our lives — simply because we’re afraid to let go and start over.

If you are in a place in your life where you need to start anew, consider these reminders:

  • Starting over is not an indication of “failure” — it is a courageous act to move forward in creating the life that make us happy.
  • Starting over is an exciting opportunity to let go of all the situations, people, and circumstances that have prevented us from creating and realizing our unique destiny.
  • Starting over does not mean starting with “nothing” — we have the incredible advantage of insights gleaned from what didn’t work in the past and can now use that knowledge to avoid similar landmines in the future.
  • Starting over is starting fresh — so let go of the nagging, belittling, self-deprecating self-talk in order to be lighter and more agile in moving forward.

You’re never too old to start over!  Isn’t it time to get out of your own way and create success on your own terms?

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

Letting go of the life we planned…to have the life waiting for us

Let go of life planned to have life waiting for us - Joseph Campbell

Planning.  It’s considered to be the most important tool in order to create success.  It’s also a way to ward off “surprises” that could derail us from achieving our goals.  Without planning for the future, where would we be?

Perhaps we’d be a lot more mindful, present,…and happier.

I must admit that I am a planner by nature.  Planning is a good thing and is necessary, but it can also become a compulsion that robs us of responding quickly and authentically to the inevitable (but unexpected) opportunities and challenges that are a part of life.

And what happens if our best formulated plans…fail?  Do we respond quickly and without fear — or do we wallow in trying to figure out what went wrong, thus preventing us from moving forward?

Life is full of unanticipated serendipity — but we tend to forget this as we rigidly plan and will our futures to unfold the way that we want them to.

But maybe what we’re envisioning is not what we’re supposed to be doing.  Maybe our goals are not aligned with our purpose in life.

It is tough to let go of the past — with all its assumptions, paradigms, and expectations. But why do we cling so steadfastly to past goals and overlook the new opportunities that are beseeching us to move forward to something that may be even better?

  • Perhaps it’s because we don’t want to admit that we failed — but “failure” is nothing more than an opportunity to learn.  We learn not only what didn’t work, but what also did work and gave us joy.
  • Perhaps it’s because we’re afraid of what others will think — but nobody else is living our lives for us.  When all is said and done, our lives are the results of the decisions that we have made (both “good” and “bad”).
  • Perhaps it’s because the devil we know is less scary than the devil we don’t know — but life is a journey that requires movement in and out of different situations and relationships.
  • And perhaps it’s because we fear that we are “too old” — regardless of our chronological age.  Steadfastly continuing to put blood, sweat, and tears into something that no longer “fits” just because we think that we are “too old” to try something new just leads to resentment, depression, and burnout.

According to a Wall Street Journal article, people will change careers (not just jobs) over 7 times in their lifetimes.  Some of these changes are intentional and self-directed, while others are the results of change in the work environment or industry.  But those who succeed and enjoy their professional work are able to recognize that what they planned may no longer be feasible — or even desirable.

Letting go of expectations is an important tool in avoiding burnout.  Yes, we’ll continue to work hard and strive for excellence.  But we need to be courageous enough to admit when something is no longer working…and be willing to move on.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

Knowing Is Not Enough

Burnout Bundle_ Lesson 8 - Knowing is not enough

On some level, we all know what we need to do in order to succeed.  We’ve taken the courses, attended the lectures, listened to the podcasts…but somehow we tend to stay “stuck.”

Creating the necessary changes in our lives requires the decision to make those changes.  That means pushing down our fears and deciding that we will implement what we’ve learned — and learn from what we’ve implemented.

And therein lies the rub:  we know what we need to do…but we don’t always apply what we’ve learned.

Perhaps it is the fear of failure — or even the fear of success.

Perhaps it is that we have a high-level understanding of what to do — but lack the specific tactical steps to transform that knowledge into action.

Success in life comes down to the willingness to take action.

But today’s hyperactive, fast-paced, 24/7 world makes demands on our time and thwarts our best efforts to do what we know needs to be done.

So, we need to develop achievable plans with “wiggle room” embedded within them.  In this way, we avoid the snowball effect of too aggressive planning that leads to a cavalcade of missed deadlines.

We need to develop habits that can carry us through when our willpower might be lacking.

We need to get enough sleep and avoid burnout so that we can not only do what needs to be done, but also enjoy the fruits of our efforts.

And we need to care enough about ourselves to do not only what will make us happy, but also create success on our own terms.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

Wasting Time on the Urgent…But Forgetting the Important

“Busy-ness” occurs when we react to looming deadlines and crises around us.  The problem is that we often “forget” to take action on the things that are most important to us.  When we procrastinate, important tasks become urgent — leading to unmet goals and burnout.

This 12-minute video explores how procrastination takes us away from our priorities, then provides 4 ways to achieve goals with less stress by focusing on the important and minimizing the urgent.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com