The Scariest Thing Is Hate

Buddha - If love self, can't hurt others

Given the tragedy at the synagogue in Pittsburgh, it is time to remember:  the only way to create change in the world is to first change and love ourselves.  Let us stop hurting each other so that a tragedy like that which happened at the Squirrel Hill synagogue will never occur again.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

Nothing can stop you from letting go…and starting over

Nothing can stop you from letting go and starting over - Guy Finley

Letting go is hard.  We hold on to so many things that no longer serve us.  We stay in jobs that demoralize us.  We stay in relationships in which we no longer have anything in common.  We stay stuck on a strategy that isn’t producing the results that we desire.

Yet we continue to hang on — even more tightly than before.

The question is:  why?

  • It is emotionally challenging to let go of something that we’ve put a lot of time, sweat, and tears into.
  • Letting go of something that is no longer working makes us question our abilities, problem-solving, and decision-making:  how did something so desirable turn out so wrong?
  • We see the act of starting over as beginning anew…without anything to support us as we move forward toward an unknown future.
  • Perhaps most significantly, we refuse to let go because we’re afraid to change.

The only reason why we do not move forward is because we prevent ourselves from moving forward.  Nothing in the universe is stopping us.  Nothing.

Far too often, we stand in our own way.  We ignore the warning signs of future challenges — or we bury ourselves in the past hurts that continue to victimize us.

We also worry about what other people will think of our decision to let go and start over.  We exaggerate their influence in our lives.  We even cater to the whims and wants of people who really don’t have our best interests at heart.

In the end, we sacrifice our own purpose and the creation of the legacy of our lives — simply because we’re afraid to let go and start over.

If you are in a place in your life where you need to start anew, consider these reminders:

  • Starting over is not an indication of “failure” — it is a courageous act to move forward in creating the life that make us happy.
  • Starting over is an exciting opportunity to let go of all the situations, people, and circumstances that have prevented us from creating and realizing our unique destiny.
  • Starting over does not mean starting with “nothing” — we have the incredible advantage of insights gleaned from what didn’t work in the past and can now use that knowledge to avoid similar landmines in the future.
  • Starting over is starting fresh — so let go of the nagging, belittling, self-deprecating self-talk in order to be lighter and more agile in moving forward.

You’re never too old to start over!  Isn’t it time to get out of your own way and create success on your own terms?

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end

Every beginning from other beginning's end - Seneca

Beginnings and endings:  are they really that different?  Or are they different ways of viewing the same event?

To begin anew means giving up what we did in the past in order to begin unfettered in creating a new future.  A fresh beginning that allows us to to move freely forward requires accepting that the events in the past have concluded.

Everything has a beginning…and everything has an end.  But letting go of the past can be a monumental task.

While past events may have laid the groundwork  for our steps into the future, the very nature of beginning marks the end of something else.

Too often we try to move forward while steadfastly clinging to the past.  But this is like driving a car by only looking in the rear view mirror — then wondering why we were unprepared for the roadblock in front of us.

Life has a great internal balance.  Everything that happens occurs for a reason.  And every beginning will eventually end in order to allow a new beginning to emerge.

Are you willing to accept what has ended in order to move forward?

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

 

Knowing Is Not Enough

Burnout Bundle_ Lesson 8 - Knowing is not enough

On some level, we all know what we need to do in order to succeed.  We’ve taken the courses, attended the lectures, listened to the podcasts…but somehow we tend to stay “stuck.”

Creating the necessary changes in our lives requires the decision to make those changes.  That means pushing down our fears and deciding that we will implement what we’ve learned — and learn from what we’ve implemented.

And therein lies the rub:  we know what we need to do…but we don’t always apply what we’ve learned.

Perhaps it is the fear of failure — or even the fear of success.

Perhaps it is that we have a high-level understanding of what to do — but lack the specific tactical steps to transform that knowledge into action.

Success in life comes down to the willingness to take action.

But today’s hyperactive, fast-paced, 24/7 world makes demands on our time and thwarts our best efforts to do what we know needs to be done.

So, we need to develop achievable plans with “wiggle room” embedded within them.  In this way, we avoid the snowball effect of too aggressive planning that leads to a cavalcade of missed deadlines.

We need to develop habits that can carry us through when our willpower might be lacking.

We need to get enough sleep and avoid burnout so that we can not only do what needs to be done, but also enjoy the fruits of our efforts.

And we need to care enough about ourselves to do not only what will make us happy, but also create success on our own terms.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

Why We Keep Asking Questions

Questions we keep asking - Freda Adler

Are we too focused on finding all the answers?

As a researcher, I know that this is a controversial thought to express — but (as every researcher knows) for every question that is answered, several more appear.

Isn’t this also true in our own lives?  We think we know all the answers…but then life throws us a curve ball.  When this happens, we either have to re-learn what we forgot — or prepare ourselves to learn something totally new.

Life is all about asking the questions.  Not necessarily the questions that other people tell us to ask, but the questions that we feel on a deep level will help us develop into the person that we want to be.

There seems to be an insatiable need for people to find out “how to do it”:  how to create a business, how to build positive relationships, how to be a great parent, how to achieve success in our jobs.  We naively think that if we just get the “right” answer, we will be happy.

But life doesn’t work that way.

No two people will be faced with the exact same questions in their lives.  Nor will we be forced to confront the same obstacles.  While there will be trends that span a wide range of people and personalities, each of us have to find the answers to the fundamental questions that are critical in our own lives.

The quality of our lives is directly related
to the quality of our questions.  

If we ask, “Why does this always happen to me?” — our question belies a feeling of being a victim.

If we instead ask, “What can I do to improve this situation right now?” — our question provides direction to our conscious brain and subconscious mind to find a solution.

Every question has a subtext, an assumption that provides the foundation and meaning behind that question.  No matter how hard we try, we will probably never be able to answer the question, “Why did he or she do that to me?!” — because we can never truly know everything that someone has gone through in their lives.

Images can be deceiving.

The questions that we are asking right now reveal our emotional assumptions about the current state of our lives.  Because life is constantly changing, so are our questions.

So what burning questions do you need to answer?

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

Taking Control of Your Career: The Fundamental Skill of Career Management

Progress not perfection

I can’t believe that we’re already in the middle of the year!  Looking back over the past six months, it’s time to take stock of where we’ve been — and where we’re going.

While such career self-reflection seems to be a natural part of the December holiday season, it should be a part of our on-going routine.  With half the year gone, it’s a time to take stock of where we’ve been…compared to where we planned to be…and decide NOW where we’re going.

But here’s the problem:  for over-achievers, the quest for perfection often derails our probability for success.  In other words, we can begin right now to quit striving for perfection and instead commit to progress.

Successful career management is NOT a one-time, one-size-fits-all undertaking.  It is more than just resume writing and interviewing.  Managing your career is instead an adaptive journey that YOU have created that will lead you to a constantly evolving destination.

Think about your own career:  what you wanted as a new graduate is often quite different from what you desire as a seasoned professional – so your career map needs to reflect both the tangible and intangible elements of your professional goals.

How to Evaluate Progress in Your Career 

Tip #1: Recognize that “perfection” is an illusion – but “progress” can be planned for.  No two people have the same definition of any word; nowhere is this more apparent than in the definition of a “perfect” career.

The denotative (i.e., “dictionary”) definition of “progress” is simply “forward or onward movement toward a destination.” Notice that there is no time constraint included in the definition. As long as you are moving forward toward your goal, you ARE making progress.

Tip #2: “Progress” is NOT a comparative.  Don’t beat yourself up if your progress to date doesn’t match that of your brother, sister, college roommate, or coworker. Everyone’s path will be different — and that’s a very good thing.

The most effective measurement of your professional progress over time is based on what YOU are capable of.  Your strengths and areas of improvement are unique to you – so the progress that you make will also be uniquely yours.

Tip #3: Determine the “what” BEFORE planning for the “how” of your progress. Said another way, the “how” of your progress (the action plan or steps) can only be designed AFTER the “what” has been identified (your destination or outcome).  This is NOT just trying to find a job when you’ve been downsized or burned out; this IS learning the tools of successful career management.

Set aside time to decide what makes you happy, fulfilled, and satisfied. Find a quiet place and set a timer for 30 minutes. Then write down or record your answers to these questions – don’t be shy about your wants and needs…now is the time to be BOLD!

  • What do you enjoy doing?
  • How do you want to be managed?
  • What kind of environment supports your progress?
  • What do you want your legacy to be? (Hint: You’re going to leave a legacy based on the actions that you have taken – in other words, you cannot NOT leave a legacy!)

Tip #4: Objectively describe where you are RIGHT NOW in your career. This can be a difficult process, but be brutally honest with yourself – no one else needs to read what you’ve written. Focus on how you feel before deciding what you need to do next:

  • Unsure of your next career step? Conduct a professional work experience audit in order to develop a step-by-step plan for the next 12 months.
  • In a career that no longer inspires you? Resolve to make the time to clearly identify your “must haves” and “can’t stands” in your job and overall career. Be sure to focus not only on what you want in a career, but also what you are willing to sacrifice in order to finally land your dream job.
  • Intrigued with the idea of being your own boss? Commit to letting go of your fears in order to take the first tenuous steps to writing a business plan and launching your own business – don’t be afraid to ask for help from other entrepreneurs!

Tip #5: Focus on BOTH the tangible and intangible aspects of work.  Being a professional “success” does not necessarily focus exclusively on the tangible results (such as upward mobility, increasing income, or notoriety). These are just the outward trappings of the traditional notion of “success.”

People who are happy with their careers and motivated by their work also focus on the intangible aspects of their jobs. Because these intangibles are key differentiators between one person’s idea of “success” and another’s, don’t compare what you want to the goals or results of other people.

Tip #6: Don’t let the naysayers prevent you from finding your own bliss.  NO ONE can tell you what to do with your life or why you should do it. While career coaches can offer insights and ideas on various career paths, the ultimate decision is yours. Only you know what makes you happy…what drives you crazy…what inspires you…and what demoralizes you.

Want to learn more about saying “no” to dream stealers? Click here for my FREE mini-eCourse, Letting Go of Dream Stealers.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

Acceptance Can Overcome Consequences

Burnout Bundle_ Lesson 3 - Acceptance of what has happened

Acceptance is the first step to letting go of the past…and moving forward into the future.

Many of us are resilient enough to accept our contributions to a negative outcome — in fact, we may berate ourselves for our missteps. Such “guilt trips” only keep us rooted in the past and prevent us from harnessing our creativity to try something new in order to create a more happy and fulfilling future.

But even more challenging than these self-imposed “guilt trips,”  I’ve found that it is much more difficult to accept consequences that have befallen upon us when they are the results of other people’s actions OR inaction.

Once again, we stay rooted in the past as we try to understand why they did what they did — we do this in order to identify what happened so that we can avoid it in the future.  The problem is that it can be impossible to truly understand what motivated someone else’s behavior:  there are often contributory factors of which we are and will always be unaware.

To accept what has happened in our lives requires that we accept — without bias, blame, or guilt — where we are RIGHT NOW.  Even if it’s not where we wanted to be.  Acceptance means viewing our present situation without blinders…without anger…without self-guilt.

Acceptance is the seed of hope.

By not accepting what has happened, we give away our power to choose how we will move forward and out of the consequences that we are currently experiencing.  Just like we always have the power to choose, so too do we also always have the power to accept.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com