Happy Holidays from Dr. Geri Puleo!

2018 Holiday Card

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

Why I STOPPED Over-Promising During the Holidays

Santa running

We all have expectations about the holidays…and often over-extend ourselves trying to meet them!  The result is holiday stress.

“Losers make promises they often break. Winners make commitments they always keep.” This quote by Denis Waitley, a well respected success coach and author, is not about winning and losing: it’s about understanding our capabilities, time commitments, and resources so that we CAN keep the commitments that we’ve made.

Trust and promises go hand-in-hand.

We’ve all had promises broken by our bosses, coworkers, colleagues, family, friends…and ourselves. While there may have been some very good reasons why we couldn’t follow through on what we promised to do, I sometimes wonder whether it’s really about two different things:

  • We focus too much on the reasons behind the broken promise, rather than the effects that our broken promises have on others.
  • We focus too much on making others happy by committing to something that we know we won’t be able to do.

Broken promises create shifts in relationships. It can destroy the level of trust that took years to build. It may increase our level of caution in future dealings with not only the person who broke their promise to us, but even extend to other people as well.

Truth is essential for building trust.

How to Determine If a Promise You Make Is a Promise That You Can Keep

Exercise care when making promises — particularly to family members and loved ones. Don’t over-promise!

If there is any doubt about your ability to deliver, then state these concerns directly and initially. In this way, the person who is relying on you to “make good” on your promise is forewarned and can decide whether or not to depend on you to take these actions.

Recognize that stuff does happen. It’s critical to notify the person who is depending upon you immediately if something unexpected threatens to undermine your ability to keep your promise.

Finally, be realistic about what you have the time and energy to achieve. You might want to prepare the entire holiday dinner — but that shouldn’t mean that you “forget” to sleep on the days before the meal! Enlist others to help you AND commit to enjoying the process with them.

The meal, the decorations, and the gifts may seem to be the “traditions” of your holiday — but it is really the relationships with the people whom you love that create the cherished moments.

Need help de-stressing the holidays?
Enroll in my FREE on-demand eCourse,
Destressing the Holidays:  How to Move From Bah Hum Bug to HoHoHo.  You’ll learn over 50 ways to reduce holiday stress at home AND at work.
Click here for immediate, on-demand, mobile-friendly access!  

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

Why I STOPPED Trying to “Do It All” During the Holidays

Busy Elves

Does “having it all” necessarily mean “doing it all?”

In today’s fast-paced, chaotic world, we’ve developed a strong tendency to “go for the gold” in everything that we do — and we’re under constant pressure to do so:

It’s not enough to have a “happy” holiday…it has to be an AWESOME holiday!

It’s not enough to join our family and friends for a holiday meal, it has be the equivalent of a MICHELIN STAR feast!

While excellence is a worthwhile goal, I’ve come to believe that we can’t necessarily be “the best” at everything that we do — and that can be a good thing to help us really enjoy what we are doing.

So why do we apologize for our perceived lack of “perfection” — thereby forgetting to relish those things that we actually enjoy?

There are only 24 hours in a day – and we have to sleep at least some of those hours. But few of us get the recommended 7-8 hours of sleep per night, so our energy falters even though we insist on continuing to do “everything.”

The result is higher stress and an even more insurmountable “to do” list.

So why do we insist — either consciously OR subconsciously — that it is imperative that we “do it all?” Even more important: why do we apologize when we CAN’T “do it all?”

Priorities, Importance, and the Unimportant 

The answer is to prioritize what’s important to us — because when everything is important, then nothing is really important.

The simple truth (albeit a hard one for many of us to accept) is that we can’t “do it all.” But we can do the important things — the things that represent our priorities — well. “Doing it all” inherently draws us off course as we attempt to also do the unimportant things in our lives.

“Unimportant,” however, doesn’t mean “unnecessary.” Unimportant tasks are those activities that might need to be done – but don’t necessarily have to be done…by us.

Therein lies the challenge: when we admit that a task that we have traditionally accomplished can be done by someone else, it often causes our ego to question our “value.”

One of the most valuable lessons that I have learned is to accept the fact that I am a human being. This is NOT a human “doing” nor is it a “superhero” who doesn’t need sleep, rest, and relaxation. It also means accepting the fact that I can’t do everything “perfectly.”

But, like many of us, admitting that I can’t do it all was and (to a certain extent) continues to be a challenge. At no time is this more evident than during the holidays.

When we believe that everything is important, we lose our ability to prioritize things into what’s really  important, what’s not important, and what’s “nice” but neither necessary nor enjoyable.

Trying to do it all leads to feelings of being overwhelmed. Failing in our attempts to do it all leads to frustration and a diminished sense of self-worth. When we exhaust ourselves trying to meet impossible self-imposed deadlines, we burn out.

Yet we continue in our misguided efforts to go beyond our very human limitations.

How to STOP Doing It All (and Not Enjoying It) 

There is a twopart cure for trying to “do it all”:

  1. First, we must prioritize what’s important to us…
  2. Then we must have the courage to focus our efforts on only those activities that are important to us

This means being able to say “no.” It also means being sufficiently confident of our own unique value so that we can feel comfortable delegating tasks to other people based on what’s important to them. 

If you love to bake, then by all means bake your family’s traditional holiday cookies!

Hate to decorate the tree? Then enlist your children, nephews, and nieces to “go wild” with their imaginations in the decorations.

Continuing to spend days preparing the Feast of the Seven Fishes for your Italian family? Then scale back and prepare only those dishes that your family really looks forward to. (NOTE: I did this in my family — surprisingly, the missing baccala was not even noticed!)

But the most important step to STOP trying to do it all is to stop apologizing when we can’t “do it all.”

It’s time to accept the fact that not only we personally but also everyone else CAN’T “do it all.” This insight drastically changes our perspectives of what is important, what is feasible, and what is just additional “stuff” that has little if any true importance.

FREE De-Stressing the Holidays eCourse:
How to Move From Bah Hum Bug to HoHoHo!  

Available NOW — enroll in my free 3-lesson eCourse to learn 50 ways to de-stress the holidays at home and at work!  Click here for more information.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  To learn more, please visit her blog for individuals at www.a-new-way-to-work.com or her corporate blog at www.changewithoutburnout.com.  For more tips and ideas, please subscribe to her weekly “Success @ Work” eNewsletter at https://drgeripuleo.lpages.co/success-work-opt-in-page

How to Avoid Holiday Stress

This is my wish for you - DM Dellinger

Remember how much fun the holidays used to be when you were a kid?  No responsibilities, no demands…just the focus on having fun.

However, we all have too many responsibilities.  Everything has become “urgent.”  We’re so busy “doing” that we have lost sight of “being” and “living.”

But focusing on the urgent can take us away from what is IMPORTANT:  peace, gratitude, happiness, health, energy, and (of course) fun!  Being with the people we love and actually having fun with them is often forgotten as we scurry frantically to do what we think is urgent in order to make the holiday a “success.”

One reason for this problem is that we focus on the “urgent” — even though it takes us away from what is really important.  But there is a way to overcome this:  learn to live our lives by focusing on our own unique priorities.  

I’ve posted a 12-minute video on my YouTube Channel to help you identify your priorities and decrease the likelihood of stress from chronic procrastination.

Not only can living by priorities increase our joy, but it will profoundly reduce our stress.  Isn’t it time to re-ignite the childlike joy in the holidays?

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

The Scariest Thing Is Hate

Buddha - If love self, can't hurt others

Given the tragedy at the synagogue in Pittsburgh, it is time to remember:  the only way to create change in the world is to first change and love ourselves.  Let us stop hurting each other so that a tragedy like that which happened at the Squirrel Hill synagogue will never occur again.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end

Every beginning from other beginning's end - Seneca

Beginnings and endings:  are they really that different?  Or are they different ways of viewing the same event?

To begin anew means giving up what we did in the past in order to begin unfettered in creating a new future.  A fresh beginning that allows us to to move freely forward requires accepting that the events in the past have concluded.

Everything has a beginning…and everything has an end.  But letting go of the past can be a monumental task.

While past events may have laid the groundwork  for our steps into the future, the very nature of beginning marks the end of something else.

Too often we try to move forward while steadfastly clinging to the past.  But this is like driving a car by only looking in the rear view mirror — then wondering why we were unprepared for the roadblock in front of us.

Life has a great internal balance.  Everything that happens occurs for a reason.  And every beginning will eventually end in order to allow a new beginning to emerge.

Are you willing to accept what has ended in order to move forward?

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

 

Knowing Is Not Enough

Burnout Bundle_ Lesson 8 - Knowing is not enough

On some level, we all know what we need to do in order to succeed.  We’ve taken the courses, attended the lectures, listened to the podcasts…but somehow we tend to stay “stuck.”

Creating the necessary changes in our lives requires the decision to make those changes.  That means pushing down our fears and deciding that we will implement what we’ve learned — and learn from what we’ve implemented.

And therein lies the rub:  we know what we need to do…but we don’t always apply what we’ve learned.

Perhaps it is the fear of failure — or even the fear of success.

Perhaps it is that we have a high-level understanding of what to do — but lack the specific tactical steps to transform that knowledge into action.

Success in life comes down to the willingness to take action.

But today’s hyperactive, fast-paced, 24/7 world makes demands on our time and thwarts our best efforts to do what we know needs to be done.

So, we need to develop achievable plans with “wiggle room” embedded within them.  In this way, we avoid the snowball effect of too aggressive planning that leads to a cavalcade of missed deadlines.

We need to develop habits that can carry us through when our willpower might be lacking.

We need to get enough sleep and avoid burnout so that we can not only do what needs to be done, but also enjoy the fruits of our efforts.

And we need to care enough about ourselves to do not only what will make us happy, but also create success on our own terms.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com