Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end

Every beginning from other beginning's end - Seneca

Beginnings and endings:  are they really that different?  Or are they different ways of viewing the same event?

To begin anew means giving up what we did in the past in order to begin unfettered in creating a new future.  A fresh beginning that allows us to to move freely forward requires accepting that the events in the past have concluded.

Everything has a beginning…and everything has an end.  But letting go of the past can be a monumental task.

While past events may have laid the groundwork  for our steps into the future, the very nature of beginning marks the end of something else.

Too often we try to move forward while steadfastly clinging to the past.  But this is like driving a car by only looking in the rear view mirror — then wondering why we were unprepared for the roadblock in front of us.

Life has a great internal balance.  Everything that happens occurs for a reason.  And every beginning will eventually end in order to allow a new beginning to emerge.

Are you willing to accept what has ended in order to move forward?

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

 

Knowing Is Not Enough

Burnout Bundle_ Lesson 8 - Knowing is not enough

On some level, we all know what we need to do in order to succeed.  We’ve taken the courses, attended the lectures, listened to the podcasts…but somehow we tend to stay “stuck.”

Creating the necessary changes in our lives requires the decision to make those changes.  That means pushing down our fears and deciding that we will implement what we’ve learned — and learn from what we’ve implemented.

And therein lies the rub:  we know what we need to do…but we don’t always apply what we’ve learned.

Perhaps it is the fear of failure — or even the fear of success.

Perhaps it is that we have a high-level understanding of what to do — but lack the specific tactical steps to transform that knowledge into action.

Success in life comes down to the willingness to take action.

But today’s hyperactive, fast-paced, 24/7 world makes demands on our time and thwarts our best efforts to do what we know needs to be done.

So, we need to develop achievable plans with “wiggle room” embedded within them.  In this way, we avoid the snowball effect of too aggressive planning that leads to a cavalcade of missed deadlines.

We need to develop habits that can carry us through when our willpower might be lacking.

We need to get enough sleep and avoid burnout so that we can not only do what needs to be done, but also enjoy the fruits of our efforts.

And we need to care enough about ourselves to do not only what will make us happy, but also create success on our own terms.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

Why We Keep Asking Questions

Questions we keep asking - Freda Adler

Are we too focused on finding all the answers?

As a researcher, I know that this is a controversial thought to express — but (as every researcher knows) for every question that is answered, several more appear.

Isn’t this also true in our own lives?  We think we know all the answers…but then life throws us a curve ball.  When this happens, we either have to re-learn what we forgot — or prepare ourselves to learn something totally new.

Life is all about asking the questions.  Not necessarily the questions that other people tell us to ask, but the questions that we feel on a deep level will help us develop into the person that we want to be.

There seems to be an insatiable need for people to find out “how to do it”:  how to create a business, how to build positive relationships, how to be a great parent, how to achieve success in our jobs.  We naively think that if we just get the “right” answer, we will be happy.

But life doesn’t work that way.

No two people will be faced with the exact same questions in their lives.  Nor will we be forced to confront the same obstacles.  While there will be trends that span a wide range of people and personalities, each of us have to find the answers to the fundamental questions that are critical in our own lives.

The quality of our lives is directly related
to the quality of our questions.  

If we ask, “Why does this always happen to me?” — our question belies a feeling of being a victim.

If we instead ask, “What can I do to improve this situation right now?” — our question provides direction to our conscious brain and subconscious mind to find a solution.

Every question has a subtext, an assumption that provides the foundation and meaning behind that question.  No matter how hard we try, we will probably never be able to answer the question, “Why did he or she do that to me?!” — because we can never truly know everything that someone has gone through in their lives.

Images can be deceiving.

The questions that we are asking right now reveal our emotional assumptions about the current state of our lives.  Because life is constantly changing, so are our questions.

So what burning questions do you need to answer?

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

What Networking Is…and Isn’t (VIDEO)

Networking is all about creating connections — BUT your connections don’t create a viable network unless there is a mutual commitment to helping each other achieve their goals.

The many misconceptions about networking serve to derail attempts to grow and sustain a network.  In this 12-minute video, I’ll dive into common networking mistakes and provide tips on how to avoid them — plus you’ll learn my new definition of what it means to network either face-to-face or online.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

The Top 5 Listening Mistakes (What to Do Instead)

Listening - 2 Men ask question

It’s a proven fact:  listening is more than just the physical act of hearing.  So why do we sometimes “zone out” during conversations?  Even though we may be able to hear what is being said, it’s only through aggressive listening that we can really understand what is being said — on both denotative (definitions) and connotative (emotional) levels.

Listening requires concentrated effort.  It requires silencing our “monkey minds” that constantly flit between different visual, auditory, and sensory stimulation.  It requires being present in the moment — and quit worrying about the past or the future.

Maybe it’s our fast-paced world or maybe it’s these constant distractions that pummel us from every direction, but the art of listening has fallen to the wayside.

But without aggressive listening, mistakes are made.  Feelings are hurt.  Important information is overlooked.  And the levels of trust and respect between the communicating partners can be forever damaged.

So, how do you learn how to become an aggressive listener?

To start, here are what I consider to be the Top 5 irritating listening habits — plus some tips on how to overcome them.

  • Irritating Listening Habit #1 Interrupting the speaker.  No one likes to be interrupted!  Interruptions are often interpreted as signs that you are belittling the importance of what the speaker is saying.  Even though you might think that you know what the person is going to say next, take a breath and wait for them to pause before interjecting your thoughts.  And consider asking a question instead of judging what they have been saying!
  • Irritating Listening Habit #2:  Showing interest in something else.  This is a sure sign to the speaker that you aren’t interested in the conversation.  While some unexpected distractions can divert your attention (such as an alarm bell going off), showing interest in something other than the speaker is disrespectful.  Instead focus on understanding the nuances of what the speaker is saying:  how do they really feel about what they are saying?  Are they happy, sad, excited, fearful?  By understanding the emotions underlying their words (the connotative meaning), you can get much more insight into the true meaning and importance of what they are saying.
  • Irritating Listening Habit #3:  Saying “yeah, but…”  While it is not expected that you will necessarily agree with everything that the speaker is saying, responding (or interrupting) with “yeah, but…” indicates that you made your mind up about the topic — probably before you even listened to the speaker.  In other words, your role in the two-way conversation was focused on crafting your own response rather than trying to understand the speaker’s position.  Instead try agreeing (the “yeah” in the “yeah, but”) then following with a separate question focused on gaining clarification.  The key is to come from a place of interest, rather than confrontation or judgment.
  • Irritating Listening Habit #4:  Not responding to the speaker’s requests.  In other words, responding with a “huh” instead of a direct reply.  While it’s true that fatigue can compromise our ability to aggressively listen, most of the time it’s that the listener was not paying attention by focusing on something outside the conversation.  This lack of response can also happen when a speaker stops talking…but the listener doesn’t contribute to the continuation of the conversation.  It’s those awkward pauses.  If you find your mind drifting away from the conversation, try taking a break or adding some type of physical activity (not fidgeting!).  A brief coffee break or suggesting that you take a walk while you’re talking can often bring your focus back to the conversation.
  • Irritating Listening Habit #5:  Not looking at the speaker.  Although hearing might only require functioning ears, aggressive listening requires both auditory and visual cues.  Mehrabian’s 55-38-7 rule advises that 55% of the meaning that we receive during communication is the result of body language (visual cues), 38% from the tone of voice (auditory cues), and only 7% from the actual words spoken.  Be sure to observe the speaker’s movements and body language in order to fully comprehend what they are trying to communicate — don’t just rely on your ears for understanding!

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

 

 

One thing is sure…we have to do something

Behavioral Interview - Part 3

One of the biggest regrets is feeling that we “woulda, coulda, shoulda”:

  • I woulda taken that promotion…if only I hadn’t been afraid.
  • I coulda succeeded at my dream job…if only I had managed my time better.
  • I shoulda changed careers…if only I had known what I wanted.

The regret (and guilt) associated with thoughts of “woulda, coulda, shoulda” also  reflect paralysis by analysis:

By not knowing what to do, we do nothing.  

Perhaps our inaction is the result of a fear of failure.

Perhaps it is the trepidation surrounding an unforeseeable future.

Perhaps it is a fear of success.

But NOT taking action is itself an ACTION — and it is also a way to develop and sustain the attitude of a victim.

NONE of us have all the answers.  NONE of us can foretell the future.  NONE of us will succeed 100% of the time.

But ALL of us have the power to choose our reactions and subsequent actions to that which is occurring in our lives.  In other words, we must decide what to do based on the best information that we have NOW.

There is no harm in modifying our paths — studies have shown that airplanes are off course to their destination a whopping 99% of the time.  So, how do they land where they’re supposed to?  They are unafraid to modify or alter their course so that they will arrive at their target.

The same is true in life:  we can always modify, adapt, or totally change our path.

So what fears are holding you back from creating success on your own terms?

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

 

Why It’s Time to Put an End to “Busy-ness”

Pet Hamster Holding A Blank  Sign

Is your business life burning you out – or is it the constant “busy-ness” that’s exhausting you? Is there REALLY a difference?!

Simply stated, YES. There is a critical difference that is based on the priorities that you use to determine your daily activities.

While it is noble, worthwhile, and even essential to actively participate in the strategic planning and daily operations of your professional life, don’t let your attempts to meet the demands of your business fall prey to “busy-ness.”

“Busy-ness” is analogous to a hamster constantly running on a wheel – but ultimately not getting any farther ahead. Still stuck on the wheel in its cage, the hamster nonetheless continues to do the same thing regardless of the result.

While the hamster might be enjoying the run, a business professional rarely sees the lack of movement as a good thing. Put another way, busy-ness is frantically treading water just to stay afloat.  

No One Consciously Strives for a Life of Busy-ness 

People generally like to see progress, results, or achievement. If you’re collapsing from exhaustion at night (but feel like your progress or results don’t match your effort), then you are a candidate for energy sapping “busy-ness.”  But why?

A life of busy-ness often results from a lack of priorities or time management. Let me explain.

While we all have worthwhile goals that we generally want to achieve, it is far too common for days, weeks, months, or even years to pass by with little or no progress toward their attainment. Because our priorities determine our actions, our REAL priorities are found in what we spend the most time doing.

This is closely akin to time management – which requires prioritization as the foundation of how we structure our days and lives.

I know what you’re thinking:

“You don’t understand!
I have work responsibilities AND personal responsibilities.
People depend on me – and I’m only one person trying to do it all!” 

This is the definition of crisis management – and crisis management is a contributing factor to burnout. Think of it this way: if you’re burned out, how are you going to have the energy to help anybody else – not even yourself?

But most of us DO have these competing priorities. The challenge is how to manage them.

The Culprits of Busy-ness

We don’t intentionally over-schedule our lives — that is, leaving NO time out between our actions to take of all these competing demands.  But we do have to recognize the insidious culprits that create a life of busy-ness.

#1 – Meetings. While some might be necessary, the purpose of many is just showing up. Does anybody really know what the meeting’s purpose is? Or what the desired outcomes are? Or why we’ve even been invited to attend in the first place? But standing meetings and ad hoc meetings are often time wasters that drain time away from the more important duties and responsibilities. As a result, the busy-ness leads to constantly playing “catch up.”

#2 – The Rush of Activity. Being busy feels good – but only if we are also being productive. Doing “stuff” that is unimportant or mindless can be a respite from an over-scheduled life. But when we have nothing to show for our effort of constant motion and activity, it’s a short skip over to resentment. The unfocused activities inherent in busy-ness are NOT productive action.

#3 – Perfectionism. Perfectionists are notorious for creating additional “must do’s” on their “to do” lists. Coupled with a belief that “if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself,” perfectionists tend to subvert their priorities due to the constant struggle to do it all. Perfectionists fundamentally don’t trust other people to do what they say they are going to do OR do it in a way that meets the perfectionist’s high standards. Perfectionists may feel a sense of omnipotence even though their overscheduled calendars prevent them from meeting their true goals due to busy-ness.

#4 – Avoidance and Procrastination. Be honest: do you really want to clean the garage? Or tackle that monstrous report? Or deal with the communication problems in your team? Probably not. But the pervasive Puritan work ethic compels us to do something because we can’t just do nothing! So, we do the easy stuff. The mindless stuff. The stuff that takes time…but isn’t really that important. Then, when we miss the deadline of the avoided behemoth, we can honestly assert that we simply didn’t have the time – we were “too busy” with the other stuff.

#5 – The Absence of Planning. I once saw a cartoon where an employee was sitting quietly at his desk. When his boss asked him what he was doing, he replied that he was thinking – to which the boss replied, “Well quit thinking and get back to work!” In the cultures of many modern workplaces, thinking and planning are the equivalent of day dreaming – but activity of any kind is considered to be working! Unfocused activity that is done simply for the sake of doing something is busy-ness – and investing time in the unimportant is the result of poor planning.

3 Tips to Replace Busy-ness with Focused Action 

Instead of succumbing to action for its own sake, take a moment to decide what is truly important to YOU. What are the things that you need to do in order to create the legacy that you want to leave?  Remember:  you will leave a legacy even if you aren’t intentionally trying to do so.

Next, take stock of your weekly responsibilities in both your professional and personal lives. Estimate the amount of time that you think you need to complete each project – then be sure to include some “wiggle room” for unanticipated glitches or interruptions!

Finally, decide which projects must be completed by only you versus which can be delegated to others.  When delegating, even if they might not be able to do it as “perfectly” as you would like, you need to determine whether this level of perfection is actually required in order to achieve the goal).

Being busy in activities that bring you joy and lead to your desired goals creates the path toward actualizing your legacy. Plus you’ll be more energized and self-actualizing.

In contrast, permitting yourself to be victimized by a life of busy-ness leads only to exhaustion, regret, and resentment.

You DO have the power to give up busy-ness and get back on the track to the business of your life. All it takes is the courage and commitment to live your life by your priorities.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning and Coaching company focused on eradicating workplace burnout through the B-DOC Model.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, keynote speaker, author, blogger, business coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” by watching her TEDx Talk on YouTube.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com