A New Way to Work

Success and change without burnout by Dr. Geri Puleo

Archive for the category “Communication”

The Top 5 Listening Mistakes (What to Do Instead)

Listening - 2 Men ask question

It’s a proven fact:  listening is more than just the physical act of hearing.  So why do we sometimes “zone out” during conversations?  Even though we may be able to hear what is being said, it’s only through aggressive listening that we can really understand what is being said — on both denotative (definitions) and connotative (emotional) levels.

Listening requires concentrated effort.  It requires silencing our “monkey minds” that constantly flit between different visual, auditory, and sensory stimulation.  It requires being present in the moment — and quit worrying about the past or the future.

Maybe it’s our fast-paced world or maybe it’s these constant distractions that pummel us from every direction, but the art of listening has fallen to the wayside.

But without aggressive listening, mistakes are made.  Feelings are hurt.  Important information is overlooked.  And the levels of trust and respect between the communicating partners can be forever damaged.

So, how do you learn how to become an aggressive listener?

To start, here are what I consider to be the Top 5 irritating listening habits — plus some tips on how to overcome them.

  • Irritating Listening Habit #1 Interrupting the speaker.  No one likes to be interrupted!  Interruptions are often interpreted as signs that you are belittling the importance of what the speaker is saying.  Even though you might think that you know what the person is going to say next, take a breath and wait for them to pause before interjecting your thoughts.  And consider asking a question instead of judging what they have been saying!
  • Irritating Listening Habit #2:  Showing interest in something else.  This is a sure sign to the speaker that you aren’t interested in the conversation.  While some unexpected distractions can divert your attention (such as an alarm bell going off), showing interest in something other than the speaker is disrespectful.  Instead focus on understanding the nuances of what the speaker is saying:  how do they really feel about what they are saying?  Are they happy, sad, excited, fearful?  By understanding the emotions underlying their words (the connotative meaning), you can get much more insight into the true meaning and importance of what they are saying.
  • Irritating Listening Habit #3:  Saying “yeah, but…”  While it is not expected that you will necessarily agree with everything that the speaker is saying, responding (or interrupting) with “yeah, but…” indicates that you made your mind up about the topic — probably before you even listened to the speaker.  In other words, your role in the two-way conversation was focused on crafting your own response rather than trying to understand the speaker’s position.  Instead try agreeing (the “yeah” in the “yeah, but”) then following with a separate question focused on gaining clarification.  The key is to come from a place of interest, rather than confrontation or judgment.
  • Irritating Listening Habit #4:  Not responding to the speaker’s requests.  In other words, responding with a “huh” instead of a direct reply.  While it’s true that fatigue can compromise our ability to aggressively listen, most of the time it’s that the listener was not paying attention by focusing on something outside the conversation.  This lack of response can also happen when a speaker stops talking…but the listener doesn’t contribute to the continuation of the conversation.  It’s those awkward pauses.  If you find your mind drifting away from the conversation, try taking a break or adding some type of physical activity (not fidgeting!).  A brief coffee break or suggesting that you take a walk while you’re talking can often bring your focus back to the conversation.
  • Irritating Listening Habit #5:  Not looking at the speaker.  Although hearing might only require functioning ears, aggressive listening requires both auditory and visual cues.  Mehrabian’s 55-38-7 rule advises that 55% of the meaning that we receive during communication is the result of body language (visual cues), 38% from the tone of voice (auditory cues), and only 7% from the actual words spoken.  Be sure to observe the speaker’s movements and body language in order to fully comprehend what they are trying to communicate — don’t just rely on your ears for understanding!

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning company focused on techniques to eliminate the 5 workplace stressors that create and sustain burnout:  Job Change, Organizational Change, Work-Life Imbalance, Poor Leadership and Management, and Ineffective Human Resources.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, author, keynote speaker, blogger, career coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” in her TEDx Talk on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFkI69zJzLI.  For more tips and ideas, please subscribe to her weekly “Success @ Work” eNewsletter at https://drgeripuleo.lpages.co/success-work-opt-in-page.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

 

 

Developing Charisma: Why It’s a Skill That Can Be Learned

Charisma in front of crowd

What IS charisma?  Is it an innate personality trait – or is it a skill that can be learned?  Does charisma require you to be an extrovert – or can “shy” people be charismatic, too?  Finally, is it really important in business today?

Although charisma can be difficult to define, this definition takes charisma out of the realm of personality traits:

Charisma is the ability to inspire and motivate people
to do MORE than they would normally do
DESPITE obstacles and personal sacrifice. 

Charisma, therefore, is more than simply motivating someone to do something that they would have done without your influence.

Charisma brings others out of their shells and builds their self-confidence.

Charisma addresses the head and the heart of other people so that they will perceive regardless of the obstacles they may face or the personal sacrifices that may be demanded of them.

The 8 Characteristics of Charismatic Leaders

In the modern workplace of flattened organizational hierarchies, cross-functional leadership with or without a formal title has become an important criteria for an organization to survive.  While it cannot be denied that some people may have a more innate talent to be charismatic, charisma can be learned.

Surprised that something as ineffable as “charisma” can be a learned skill?  Once you understand the 8 characteristics that define charismatic leaders, you’ll be better able to inspire others to commit wholeheartedly to your vision.

  1. Appeal to BOTH the heart and the mind.  One reason why leaders are often not perceived as being charismatic occurs when they focus exclusively on charts, graphs, and metrics.  While important, such quantitative items do not inspire creativity in others.  Story-telling has become a popular tool to entwine the quantitative outcomes with more esoteric and heartfelt reasons to achieve those outcomes.
  2. Have passion for the work. A leader will never be charismatic if they are lackadaisical about what they do and why they are doing it.  Passion does not necessarily mean emotional fits or grand verbosity; passion can also be equated with focus and commitment to an outcome as well as its overall importance.
  3. Create an atmosphere of change. Charismatic leaders rarely maintain the status quo.  They are visionaries who can see opportunities (often before others) and then have the courage to take the necessary actions to move forward toward their achievement.  This requires being comfortable with change – but remember that change does NOT have to be chaos.
  4. Communicate in a clear, compelling way. Once again, charismatic leaders inspire others by appealing to both their hearts and minds.  This requires the ability to describe complex ideas or goals in a way that is simple but still addresses the curiosity and creativity of others.  There’s nothing worse than a leader who appeals to the hearts of followers through a powerful vision – but then leaves them without the means or strategy to attain it.
  5. Have abiding faith in the vision. Closely aligned with passion, charismatic leaders will go over, under, or through obstacles in order to achieve their goals.  Obstacles are viewed as bumps in the road rather than derailing road blocks.  This level of certainty and confidence inspires others to also move outside their comfort zones and take risks.
  6. May be unconventional. Although not necessary, charismatic leaders usually have some type of mannerism or communication style that separates them from others.  While not absolutely essential, being somewhat unconventional is often equated with creative, outside the box thinking.  It doesn’t require charisma to have others do what they’ve always been doing.
  7. Foster trust by a willingness to incur personal risk. Charismatic leaders walk the talk.  In other words, they would never expect more from their followers than what they demand of themselves.  By confidently taking such risks, it inspires others to be a little more daring, too.
  8. Influence from personal power (not position power). Being promoted to the C-suite will not automatically create charisma in a leader.  In fact, a reliance on position power (or power that is attached to the job rather than the individual) is one of the best ways to lose charisma.  Personal power arises from being present in interactions with others and from confidently expressing and brainstorming ideas.  It’s more than just being liked by others:  it’s being viewed by others as someone whom they can trust.

So, do you still think that charisma is an innate personality trait – or are you now a little more open to the idea that charisma can be learned?  Just remember:  although inherently neutral, charisma is best used for noble and positive reasons – NOT as a method to sway people down nefarious routes.  (Think of Hitler’s passionate and charismatic speeches.)

But don’t be afraid of your own charisma in influencing others!  And remember that charismatic leaders are never “cookie cutter” clones.  Be brave in bringing your own exuberant uniqueness to the job!

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning company focused on techniques to eliminate the 5 workplace stressors that create and sustain burnout:  Job Change, Organizational Change, Work-Life Imbalance, Poor Leadership and Management, and Ineffective Human Resources.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, author, keynote speaker, blogger, career coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action” in her TEDx Talk on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFkI69zJzLI.  For more tips and ideas, please subscribe to her weekly “Success @ Work” eNewsletter at https://drgeripuleo.lpages.co/success-work-opt-in-page.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

 

“I Hate My Job!” How Negative Coworkers Contribute to Burnout (VIDEO)

This is video #9 in a 10-part series focusing on the 10 ways that organizations burn out employees. I’ll discuss how negative co-workers can burn out employees — plus actions you can take now to overcome assumptions as to WHY workers are so negative as well as how to create a more positive work environment.. For more tips and ideas on how to avoid workplace burnout, please check out my blog at http://www.a-new-way-to-work.com.

 

Do As I Say! How Poor Leadership Creates Burnout

This is video #5 in a 10-part series focusing on the 10 ways that organizations burn out employees.  I’ll discuss how poor leadership leads to employee burnout and give tips on how to build relationships with employees and increase engagement.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning company focused on techniques to eliminate the 5 workplace stressors that create and sustain burnout:  Job Change, Organizational Change, Work-Life Imbalance, Poor Leadership and Management, and Ineffective Human Resources.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, author, blogger, career coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action,” watch her TEDx Talk on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFkI69zJzLI.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

What Did You Say? How Poor Communication Leads to Burnout (Video)

This is video #2 in my 10-part series focusing on the 10 ways that organizations burn out employees.  I’ll discuss how poor organizational communication leads to employee burnout plus provide tips on effectively sending and receiving messages.

Dr. Geri Puleo, SPHR, is the President and CEO of Change Management Solutions, Inc., an eLearning company focused on techniques to eliminate the 5 workplace stressors that create and sustain burnout:  Job Change, Organizational Change, Work-Life Imbalance, Poor Leadership and Management, and Ineffective Human Resources.  An entrepreneur for over 25 years, author, blogger, career coach, university professor, and researcher, you can see her “in action,” watch her TEDx Talk on YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hFkI69zJzLI.  To contact Dr. Puleo, please go to www.gapuleo.com

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